I hope that millions of year from now, if the Earth still exists, there will be enough artifacts left so whatever intelligent life forms exist at that time can accurately deduce what the human race was and what we accomplished in our time here. I just think it would be a shame if our species was misinterpreted and remembered in a less-than-impressive way.
Just imagine what gross misunderstandings we probably have about past life on this planet; dinosaurs and cavemen and the Romans. As much as I base my life on the fact that velociraptors are the coolest predators that ever lived, and were among the first to begin hunting with coordinated attack plans, I realize that this could just as easily be false. How can we really infer from a fossil how a creature hunted, or what the theologies were of ancient tribes from something like a broken clay pot? I am still trying to cope with the fact that everything I was ever taught about T-rex's in school and in Jurassic Park was a lie, and that they were scavengers, not hunters. It's devastating, although there is still hope that that revelation was false too. What I'm getting at here is that there is basically no way of knowing what the truth is about past civilizations and species.
What will be inferred about the human race millions of years from now? What will remain? There will probably be some styrofoam left, thank god, but that might be the only remaining link to our lives here. And think about how many different implications styrofoam could have. All the movies that were ever made wouldn't be adaptable to the technology of the future. Even if they could be adapted, think of how confusing it would be to scientists in the future to see a movie like The Lord of the Rings or 28 Days Later. We could encase our world history textbooks in some super powerful protective casing, but even those aren't completely truthful. Maybe I should start writing a history textbook of my own.
It may be wise for us to start destroying everything that could confuse our image millions of years from now. This could include things like abstract art and all copies of The Planet of the Apes (since it is the most terrifying movie of all time, I think the sooner those are destroyed, the better). I would just hate if the same incorrect deductions were made of us that we made of Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Urgent!
Ladies and gentlemen, I am coming to you with, even by my standards, insane news. Less than 10 minutes ago I walking out the back door of my house with my dog to take her out for an evening stroll and I, in all seriousness, believe I saw a U.F.O.
My eyes were drawn to the sky the moment I stepped out from the overhang of the house and into the open back yard. I cannot describe the actual shape of the thing that I saw because the skies were totally dark, but there were three large lights on it, in a diagonal row, and they gave the appearance of some linear thing. Although, it is possible that those lights were just tools used to distract me from the enormity of the actualy craft that was hidden in the darkness. I may never know. I have never seen lights like this, placed in such a way, on any helicopter or plane that I have ever seen in the nighttime.
My eyes were drawn to the sky the moment I stepped out from the overhang of the house and into the open back yard. I cannot describe the actual shape of the thing that I saw because the skies were totally dark, but there were three large lights on it, in a diagonal row, and they gave the appearance of some linear thing. Although, it is possible that those lights were just tools used to distract me from the enormity of the actualy craft that was hidden in the darkness. I may never know. I have never seen lights like this, placed in such a way, on any helicopter or plane that I have ever seen in the nighttime.
The thing that made me most curious was that the object was moving downwards, as if it was landing. And I happen to know that there are no airports within an hour of my house. Now that I think about it, I cant remember ever seeing a plane flying around here at all. The skies are not as highly trafficked here as they are in CT, where I used to look at planes many times a day. I was so confused when I saw the thing in the sky that I closed my eyes really tight and then opened them so I could focus on it closer. As I lingered, staring at it, something large moved in the bushes towards my neighbors backyard. Frightened that I had been spotted eyeing the object in the sky and that someone, or some thing, had been sent to take care of the matter, I cut my dogs walk short and ran back into the house.
Anyways, as soon as I got inside I knew I had to tell someone. And since my mom is asleep, and I know my brothers would never listen to me, and the author of my sister-blog has slipped into a 10 PM bedtime routine (which, especially considering tonight's events, I think she should revise) I have come here. Seeking clarity. Maybe a good nights sleep will uncloud my mind and allow me to think about this experience more rationally. But at the moment, I must say, I'm a little scared.
Anyways, as soon as I got inside I knew I had to tell someone. And since my mom is asleep, and I know my brothers would never listen to me, and the author of my sister-blog has slipped into a 10 PM bedtime routine (which, especially considering tonight's events, I think she should revise) I have come here. Seeking clarity. Maybe a good nights sleep will uncloud my mind and allow me to think about this experience more rationally. But at the moment, I must say, I'm a little scared.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Brainwashed?
As you've probably heard, the last few weeks have brought nothing short of apocalyptic storms, flooding, and heat to the Midwest, particularly Indiana where I happen to be residing. During this time, I have been almost entirely confined to my house. Not always out of necessity, but out of my intution that if I should venture outdoors I will certainly suffer an attack by whatever power is causing this ridiculous weather. After many days, I have slipped into a somewhat rigid routine, mostly consisting of hours spent looking at my computer. For those of you wondering how my days are spent in Indiana, I thought I'd give you a glimpse into my day to day schedule.
I recently lost my eye mask that keeps the sun out of my eyes while I sleep into the late morning hours, so these days, around 11:30 I remove the pillowcase that I put over my head as a substitute. Within minutes, I open my computer which lays on the couch right next to my air mattress, and do a few things. I first check my email and facebook. Then I visit Entertainment Weekly.com to get the days tv/movie news. After that, I watch The Dark Knight trailer atleast two times, and think to myself "How am I going to get the strength to wait until mid-July to see this?". I have not come up with an answer to this yet.
After getting dressed and showering, I usually eat breakfast around 1. During this time, I complain to my mom for 20 to 30 minutes about how the upcoming Hobbit movie is going to go terribly wrong without the direction of Peter Jackson. Today's argument was: different title font and a potentially different composer than the magical Howard Shore.
The bulk of my day is spent surfing the web. Lately, I can spend anywhere from an hour to four hours doing this, this time is mostly spent on youtube. When I get on a Lost wave, there is usually some time inbetween each interview or clip where I feel this great heaviness in my stomach and I think about how I can't possibly wait until January for a new episode. Sometimes the subject of my search doesn't really make sense. The other day I spent my time looking at every clip of the Jimmy Kimmel show that I could find. I do this until I have to force myself to turn my computer off because my eyes hurt and, frankly, I become terrified of the power the Internet has over me.
I take a few hours in the evening to eat dinner and talk to my family and walk around and stuff, but around 10 PM my eyes are back on a screen. I usually watch a movie or two, but it is the internet that keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning. For those of you who weren't expecting a conspiracy theory to fit into this particular entry- WRONG. Rather than pin this on my own laziness I feel that something much more sinister is at work. Perhaps the unusual weather that is occuring is simply a tool to get us all inside and at our computers and tvs where we can subsequently be brainwashed. I think that is the far more likely explanation. Maybe I am wrong, but from my personal experience I can tell you that lately there is something UNUSUALLY hypnotic about watching Kimmel clips on a loop.
I recently lost my eye mask that keeps the sun out of my eyes while I sleep into the late morning hours, so these days, around 11:30 I remove the pillowcase that I put over my head as a substitute. Within minutes, I open my computer which lays on the couch right next to my air mattress, and do a few things. I first check my email and facebook. Then I visit Entertainment Weekly.com to get the days tv/movie news. After that, I watch The Dark Knight trailer atleast two times, and think to myself "How am I going to get the strength to wait until mid-July to see this?". I have not come up with an answer to this yet.
After getting dressed and showering, I usually eat breakfast around 1. During this time, I complain to my mom for 20 to 30 minutes about how the upcoming Hobbit movie is going to go terribly wrong without the direction of Peter Jackson. Today's argument was: different title font and a potentially different composer than the magical Howard Shore.
The bulk of my day is spent surfing the web. Lately, I can spend anywhere from an hour to four hours doing this, this time is mostly spent on youtube. When I get on a Lost wave, there is usually some time inbetween each interview or clip where I feel this great heaviness in my stomach and I think about how I can't possibly wait until January for a new episode. Sometimes the subject of my search doesn't really make sense. The other day I spent my time looking at every clip of the Jimmy Kimmel show that I could find. I do this until I have to force myself to turn my computer off because my eyes hurt and, frankly, I become terrified of the power the Internet has over me.
I take a few hours in the evening to eat dinner and talk to my family and walk around and stuff, but around 10 PM my eyes are back on a screen. I usually watch a movie or two, but it is the internet that keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning. For those of you who weren't expecting a conspiracy theory to fit into this particular entry- WRONG. Rather than pin this on my own laziness I feel that something much more sinister is at work. Perhaps the unusual weather that is occuring is simply a tool to get us all inside and at our computers and tvs where we can subsequently be brainwashed. I think that is the far more likely explanation. Maybe I am wrong, but from my personal experience I can tell you that lately there is something UNUSUALLY hypnotic about watching Kimmel clips on a loop.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
WHITTLE!
Tonight my boredom reached an all-time high and at my most desperate moment I decided that I needed to start learning how to whittle immediately. Without access to the necessary tools and supplies (my mom isn't home so I don't know which knives I'm allowed to use), I grabbed my miniature swiss army knife and a stick that I've kept in my house for about a year. A thought occured to me; why is it that almost anywhere I spend time I end up gathering and storing sticks there? This particular stick actually made the journey from our old house in Connecticut to our new house in Indiana. Meaning my mom must have noticed it while packing up my old room and thought it important enought to pack and carry half-way across the country. It must be in my genes, then, because it's a habit that I've had since childhood. In every bedroom I've had, one could probably find a stick underneath the bed. Perhaps this is some evolutionary tool. Sticks often come in useful. Tonight, especially, a stick saved me from a potentially dangerous outburst because of my recent inactivity.
The stick that I used I found in a pond in Weston. CT, and carried it back to my house in Newtown. Now that I think about it, this is probably the most well-traveled stick in the entire world. Because it spent so much time in the water, it is light and soft. I'm no expert but I do think if a professional whittler were with me right now, he would tell me that this is the best type of wood to widdle with. It was very easy to carve even with my knife that I haven't sharpened in quite some time. The stick is very long and skinny so all I could think of to carve it into was a spear, which eventually turned into a snake. I even carved little scales on the sides. A keen eye could probably notice that the stick isn't actually a snake, but I am only just starting to widdle. By the end of the summer I hope to carve a snake so realistic that I will put it in my brother's bed and scare him into a coma. If he touches it, though, he will realize that it is fake.
Since I have recently quit playing the personality-altering game that is tetris, I am hoping that this new hobby will fill that void and stave off the boredom that awaits me in the next few months. Maybe I will start taking pictures of my creations and will share them with all of you readers. Now that I think about it, I must be really losing it to look at whittling as my last resort to going on a antsy rampage, and then find that interesting enough to write a blog entry about it.
The stick that I used I found in a pond in Weston. CT, and carried it back to my house in Newtown. Now that I think about it, this is probably the most well-traveled stick in the entire world. Because it spent so much time in the water, it is light and soft. I'm no expert but I do think if a professional whittler were with me right now, he would tell me that this is the best type of wood to widdle with. It was very easy to carve even with my knife that I haven't sharpened in quite some time. The stick is very long and skinny so all I could think of to carve it into was a spear, which eventually turned into a snake. I even carved little scales on the sides. A keen eye could probably notice that the stick isn't actually a snake, but I am only just starting to widdle. By the end of the summer I hope to carve a snake so realistic that I will put it in my brother's bed and scare him into a coma. If he touches it, though, he will realize that it is fake.
Since I have recently quit playing the personality-altering game that is tetris, I am hoping that this new hobby will fill that void and stave off the boredom that awaits me in the next few months. Maybe I will start taking pictures of my creations and will share them with all of you readers. Now that I think about it, I must be really losing it to look at whittling as my last resort to going on a antsy rampage, and then find that interesting enough to write a blog entry about it.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Lobotomy?
It's one of those days again. Against my better judgement, I've started rereading the greatest story ever conceived, The Lord of the Rings. I say 'against my better judgement' because I suffer the same reaction everytime I come close to anything Tolkien related. That is, I realize that nothing that can happen in my life will ever be as incredible as anything that happens in Middle Earth. This is a disheartening thought- to know that my greatest dream, the thing that would make me wholly and eternally joyful, is literally impossible to achieve. What then? What do I make of my hopelessly subpar reality? The answer has been upon me for some time, I must choose the course of mental illness.
I know, you may be wondering, how can it be possible to choose to have a mental disorder? And further, why would anyone desire to have one? To answer the latter, mental illness is really my only hope in coping with the utterly mediocre state of the world. We live in a world devoid of epic battles fought only with swords, bows, and pure, mindblowing gallantry. A world without sorcery, or terrifying perils to overcome. No matter how hard I try, I will never be face to face with an Uruk-hai in a glorious life or death battle. This is a shocking and horrible fact. But maybe it is possible to delude myself into a state where the realistic confines of our world don't matter. Maybe, if I put myself in the proper setting, (New Zealand, obviously, is the closest thing to Middle Earth our planet has to offer) and provide myself with certain tools (swords, bows, castle, cloaks, wooden spoons and goblets), and (to answer my first question ) drug myself into delirium, I can acheive all the glory and amazingness of Tolkien's world that I really need. I can carry on quests and wars in my own head but across the plains of New Zealand. Of course, I would need some land to myself so that I could fulfill these quests without putting any kind Kiwis in danger. In my elder years, I can retire to a nice hobbit hole on a hillside somewhere in the country. I will fill it with books and maps all relating to Middle Earth. Once the dementia kicks in, Middle Earth will be complete reality. I won't even know that there is such a thing as New Zealand.
The biggest problem I see with this plan is lack of funding. I probably won't make much money saving the world from great evil. But I will need something to sustain me into old age which, the way medicine is going these days, could be hundreds of years from now. To solve this I am opening this blog up immediately to begin accepting donations. I have no shame in living off the charity of others. If, on these journeys, I begin to miss my friends (unlikely since I will almost certainly hallucinate that they are partaking on these adventures with me) they are welcome to come and participate in the fun. The main point is that living in the "real world" is an intolerable future for me. I am perfectly content to live in my own head.
I know, you may be wondering, how can it be possible to choose to have a mental disorder? And further, why would anyone desire to have one? To answer the latter, mental illness is really my only hope in coping with the utterly mediocre state of the world. We live in a world devoid of epic battles fought only with swords, bows, and pure, mindblowing gallantry. A world without sorcery, or terrifying perils to overcome. No matter how hard I try, I will never be face to face with an Uruk-hai in a glorious life or death battle. This is a shocking and horrible fact. But maybe it is possible to delude myself into a state where the realistic confines of our world don't matter. Maybe, if I put myself in the proper setting, (New Zealand, obviously, is the closest thing to Middle Earth our planet has to offer) and provide myself with certain tools (swords, bows, castle, cloaks, wooden spoons and goblets), and (to answer my first question ) drug myself into delirium, I can acheive all the glory and amazingness of Tolkien's world that I really need. I can carry on quests and wars in my own head but across the plains of New Zealand. Of course, I would need some land to myself so that I could fulfill these quests without putting any kind Kiwis in danger. In my elder years, I can retire to a nice hobbit hole on a hillside somewhere in the country. I will fill it with books and maps all relating to Middle Earth. Once the dementia kicks in, Middle Earth will be complete reality. I won't even know that there is such a thing as New Zealand.
The biggest problem I see with this plan is lack of funding. I probably won't make much money saving the world from great evil. But I will need something to sustain me into old age which, the way medicine is going these days, could be hundreds of years from now. To solve this I am opening this blog up immediately to begin accepting donations. I have no shame in living off the charity of others. If, on these journeys, I begin to miss my friends (unlikely since I will almost certainly hallucinate that they are partaking on these adventures with me) they are welcome to come and participate in the fun. The main point is that living in the "real world" is an intolerable future for me. I am perfectly content to live in my own head.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Trenchfoot
This weekend the Maritime Aquarium in CT is featuring a new exhibit, the endangered great white alligator. As an educated person, I know that it would be basically impossible for such a creature to not be pure evil. I refused to go anywhere near the exhibit. Instead I went to see "the brightest star in the universe", Kanye West. It was an magical quest, but it had its challenges.
One of the biggest threats of the evening occured while standing in line to be let into the Dodge Music Center. There were literally thousands of people vyeing for a few ticket lines in front of the center. I found myself in the center of a crowd so tightly packed that I was being held up entirely by the force of the crowd around me, with no use of my own muscles. Next to me was a boy around my age who was green and clearly about to throw up. He looked very much like a zombie and he was tapping on my shoulder. I forced a gap in the crowd and pushed him through so that he wouldn't throw up on me, because I am a kind person. His friends started yelling that he was going to throw up and started pushing away from him, which led the rest of the crowd to start yelling and pushing. If I friend had not held me up, I would have been forced over entirely and trampled. It was astounding. As I often do while standing in large crowds, I started wondering what would happen if the Rage broke out at the moment. There would literally be no chance of survival.
After I made it out of the mass, I had to travel up a long muddy hill and felt a lot like Frodo Baggins climbing up Mount Doom. I had to look supafly for Kanye, so I wasn't wearing anything to protect myself from the rain or the cold. Before the concert even began, water had completely soaked through my clothes. My new kicks were not coping with the elements as well as I would have liked. I remember remarking to my friends at some point that they were going to have to amputate my feet because I was sure I had trenchfoot. My feet were swimming in a puddle of water in my shoes. Bear Grylls would not have stood for it. I was just too distracted to take the steps to protect my feet. A rookie mistake. This did not matter once the show began. Kanye was so incredible I felt at times that my mind literally could not handle the experience and that I was going to have a stroke.
Fortunately, I am a champion, as I reminded myself of several times throughout the night. I survived a violent mob and lifethreatening diseases, probably the largest, muddiest hill in the entire world, and a horrifying storm. Also at one point I had to go to the bathroom and the only one around was in EroticZone, an X-rated video store. The facilities were subpar, and the customers: unsavory to say the least. But it was totally worth it. If I had gone to see that great white alligator, I'm certain that I would not be alive to blog about it right now.
One of the biggest threats of the evening occured while standing in line to be let into the Dodge Music Center. There were literally thousands of people vyeing for a few ticket lines in front of the center. I found myself in the center of a crowd so tightly packed that I was being held up entirely by the force of the crowd around me, with no use of my own muscles. Next to me was a boy around my age who was green and clearly about to throw up. He looked very much like a zombie and he was tapping on my shoulder. I forced a gap in the crowd and pushed him through so that he wouldn't throw up on me, because I am a kind person. His friends started yelling that he was going to throw up and started pushing away from him, which led the rest of the crowd to start yelling and pushing. If I friend had not held me up, I would have been forced over entirely and trampled. It was astounding. As I often do while standing in large crowds, I started wondering what would happen if the Rage broke out at the moment. There would literally be no chance of survival.
After I made it out of the mass, I had to travel up a long muddy hill and felt a lot like Frodo Baggins climbing up Mount Doom. I had to look supafly for Kanye, so I wasn't wearing anything to protect myself from the rain or the cold. Before the concert even began, water had completely soaked through my clothes. My new kicks were not coping with the elements as well as I would have liked. I remember remarking to my friends at some point that they were going to have to amputate my feet because I was sure I had trenchfoot. My feet were swimming in a puddle of water in my shoes. Bear Grylls would not have stood for it. I was just too distracted to take the steps to protect my feet. A rookie mistake. This did not matter once the show began. Kanye was so incredible I felt at times that my mind literally could not handle the experience and that I was going to have a stroke.
Fortunately, I am a champion, as I reminded myself of several times throughout the night. I survived a violent mob and lifethreatening diseases, probably the largest, muddiest hill in the entire world, and a horrifying storm. Also at one point I had to go to the bathroom and the only one around was in EroticZone, an X-rated video store. The facilities were subpar, and the customers: unsavory to say the least. But it was totally worth it. If I had gone to see that great white alligator, I'm certain that I would not be alive to blog about it right now.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Indiana
Indiana Jones is the bravest man to ever live. I was watching the movies today, and someone in the film said something like "archeology is our religion". I think that aside from Judaism, that's pretty true for me too. I think that if I was an archaeologist I would be like Indiana Jones. I'm assuming every archaeologist is some variation of him. Of the two I know best, Indiana Jones and Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park (actually I guess he's a paleontologist, but they're basically the same thing) they always find themselves in fabulous adventures. I' sure it's a fair representation of that career because I trust everything that Stephen Spielberg tells me. In conclusion, I want to be an archaeologist. First I have to learn how to use a gun.
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